Monday, December 28, 2009

Falling in Love

Three people in my life so far, I have loved them.They told me that they:

I doubt anyone will ever feel that deeply for me. I don't even care if they fall out of love in time. I just want someone to love me so much that they fall in love with me and swim in the ultimate connection of being "at one" with me. Two complementary souls, blending with each other, happy to be mirrors.

I would think that it's going to be a fantasy for me the rest of my life. But I met a girl online on some social media site. Everyday at least twice I think about this girl who I really love and she likes me back. The problem is that I live in Delhi and she lives in Chandigarh. I haven't seen her, we were thinking of having a long distance relationship. It's hard because we can't be together in person. We are in contact with each other, but it's not easy and emotional. I actually cry at night sometimes and I know it isn't right for guy like myself to do that. I just miss her and can't stop thinking about her. I love her. I will never tell my friends and family that I cry sometimes about this. It would be embarrassing.

I hope I can meet someone around me to read this, having the same problem as me. I just don't know what to do...

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


I screamed but no one hears, I failed trying to communicate I can see everyone but no one hears me. No one really listens all they hear is from their own heart, their own desires, their own ambition. Today Siting in my office all alone feeling very much disowned by my office colleague and my friends.

These days I am very much upset can't find way to escape, don't have enough courage to fight the situation. I don't know ke mai apni baate kis se bolu . So I thought to write it down

I have been having tons of dreams about her my first love but the strange thing is her fiance is in all of them. In my last dream. I was some how homeless and she let me stay with her and her fiance (who was kind of senior in my office) I just remember that in the dream she was around a lot but was very cold to me yet at the same time very concerned. I remember a lot of old emotions coming back and me wanting her acceptance. We were together her living room and me leaving the house telling her I was going for ever and I tried to kiss her and she turned away.

I know that she doesn't love me...still I love her ...,I know she isn't into me and I should leave but one part of mine doesn't want to..
why doesn't she love me the same I love her... :( :(

love hurts.....

Monday, November 9, 2009

Feeling Weak

I know I can scream and scream but no one will come and save me what's the point of screaming . I am a lost cause. The screams fill my ears, blood flows down my arms, I can no longer scream, my voice has grown weak, the darkness comes out of the shadows , I can feel its cold , icy embrace, I close my eyes, and embrace the darkness, I can no longer fight it .

It is amazing how the existence of some people in our life can make us smile from the heart out.
I Really, Really Need a Hug "jadu ki jhappi"

Thursday, November 5, 2009

What happens to your email account after you die?

REMEMBER that time you poured your heart out in an email to your best friend after one too many glasses of wine?
Or that sexy message from an old lover that made you blush at work? Well, if you die, your family and others could end up reading them.

Web email services owned by internet giants Google and Microsoft have a policy of keeping your data after you die and letting your next of kin or the executor of your estate access it.

Accounts with Google's Gmail can hold up to 7GB - or roughly 70,000 emails with a small to medium picture attached to each and they archive the messages you've written as well as received. When it comes to deleting the data, Microsoft's Hotmail will remove an account if it is inactive for 270 days, while Gmail leaves the responsibility to the next of kin.

Of the top three providers, only Yahoo refuses to supply emails to anyone after the user has died. The user's next of kin can ask for the account to be closed, but cannot gain access to it.

A Yahoo spokesperson said the only exception to this rule would be if the user specified otherwise in their will.

Meanwhile, social-networking site Facebook has recently publicised a feature called memorialisation that lets the family of deceased users keep their profile page online as a virtual tribute.

MySpace, on the other hand, says it addresses the issue of family access to sensitive data on a "case by case basis". A spokesperson for MySpace could not rule out letting a user's next of kin log into their profile - potentially giving them access to private messages.

Read on for a summary of the policies of popular email and social networking sites:


Hotmail has a policy of deleting email accounts if they are not touched for 270 days. If you die, your next of kin would be able to access your account within that period by proving their identity and supplying a death certificate.

A spokesperson said: "Microsoft's policy allows next of kin to gain access to the content of the account of the deceased upon proving their own identity and relationship. Hotmail does not have an option to specify in advance that they do not want the contents of their email accessed by a next of kin."


Gmail will also allow the next of kin or executor of estate to apply for access to a deceased user's email account. However, they need more identification than Hotmail. The person would have to prove their own identity and supply a death certificate as well as proof of an email conversation between them and the deceased. If the deceased user was underage, the next of kin would also have to provide a copy of their birth certificate. Gmail does not delete the deceased user's account, but says the next of kin could choose to do so after gaining access to it.


Yahoo has the strictest policy when it comes to the data of deceased users. The company will let the user's next of kin ask for the account to be closed, but will not give them access to it. It says users who want their emails to be inherited should make arrangements in their will.

A spokesperson said: "The commitment Yahoo makes to every person who signs up for a Yahoo Mail account is to treat their email as a private communication and to treat the content of their messages as confidential. "Internet users who want to be sure their email and other online accounts are accessible to their legal heirs may want to work with their attorneys to plan an offline process for such access as part of their estate planning process."


Facebook has a policy called memorialisation that applies to the profiles of deceased users. Once the user's death is confirmed, their profile can be turned into a sort of virtual shrine. When that happens, the profile is locked so no one can log into it and sensitive information (including status updates) is removed.

Family members can determine how the memorial looks and behaves – for example if other people can continue to write on the user's page – but can't log into the profile themselves.
From Facebook's Help page: "Please note that in order to protect the privacy of the deceased user, we cannot provide login information for the account to anyone. We do honour requests from close family members to close the account completely."


MySpace has no set policy when it comes to the profiles of deceased users. A spokesperson said: "Given the sensitive nature of deceased member profiles, MySpace handles each incident on a case-by-case basis when notified and will work with families to respect their wishes."
The site says it will not allow anyone to "assume control" of the user's profile, however it won't rule out giving families access to the user's private data. MySpace does not delete profiles after periods of inactivity, but will remove a deceased user's profile at the family's request. A spokesperson said giving users a choice about who can access their data "sounds like a good idea".

Friday, October 30, 2009

I know I cant but I still do

I never thought that I would ever be in Love....let alone find true & real love.Until one day I met the Love of My Life & Soul mate. She is soo amazing & perfect. She makes me the happiest that I have ever been. Just when I think that I can fall more in Love with her...she always ends up proving me wrong...I fall more in love with her every single day. She makes me want things that I have never wanted before, like marriage & kids & a family. She makes me feel things that I never thought I would or could ever feel. I feel soo loved & wanted & needed.

I know that I should not love you the way I do.... no I can't its wrong but I love you anyways. I know you can never know but a part of me still longs to tell you. When you are near me it takes all my self control to not shout it out In fact I can't dare to tell you.

I wish you say the smallest thing and it will bring a smile to my lips but you can never know so i must stay here with this broken heart and try to live my everyday alone and empty :( I love you with all my heart

Friday, October 23, 2009

Will My Dreams Ever Come True................?????????

When I saw her for the first time she was slim, shy, sincere, decent, punctual, still she is the same... I usually watch her very now and then as the moment I get free. I really want her to look at me...just once! However, the irony of life kills me. She never even give me a look, even a short and a simple glance back, this fact does not change my attitude towards her! I love her like anything.

'It's wonderful to be loved, but the best thing in the world is to be understood' God can't be so cruel to dreams will come true...but still the only question that arises in my mind is that....will my dreams, ever come true.........???????

Pray for me... Happy weekend

Thursday, October 22, 2009


Yes, YOU.

How are you today?

How is life treating you?

How are YOU treating life?

Do you need a hug? Here, *HUG*

I do not know you. I do not know your struggles. I do not know much about you except what I feel.

That's okay. I don't need to know you.

I know you will have good days and bad. And totally horrible days where you will feel it is pointless to go on. I hope you find a reason to not give up and continue on.

You are beautiful inside and out.
Yes, YOU.

I don't know you have any ghosts from the past that haunt you or any regrets and past failures.

I don't know you are dealing with things that may seem overwhelming.

I know there are things on your mind right now that you are dreading dealing with.

How many friends you have?

I do not know, and it doesn't matter.

We are many.

We are different in so many ways, and yet still the same.

Know you are not alone. Know there are some people on here who REALLY do care.

I wish you light and peace and strength.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Somebody attracts me!!!!!!!!

Uptown girl
You know I can’t afford to buy her pearls..
But maybe someday when my ship comes in..
She’ll understand what kind of guy I’ve been..
And then I’ll win..

Uptown girl
She is my uptown girl..
You know I’m in love
With an uptown girl..
……….Billy Joel

Falling in love is a magical experience that happens between two people. But still I don't understand why do people fall in love?

When a person finds someone they are attracted to who also seems to be attracted to them they feel the opportunity to expand themselves. While penning down my thoughts, the movie Shrek popped into my mind. In the movie, Lord Farquad wants to find love just so he can become king. It makes me think that he wants to expand his "self" and power.

So is that all love is, a ‘Fake” emotion or is it really a word used to show a strong "relationship". While the duel with regards to is bound to continue let me get back to reason why I started this post.

This post was not entirely about “why we fall in Love” but was more about me being “attracted” towards someone and am sure this is not “Infatuation” (just in case some of the “Love-Guru’s” might think of it that ways)

Right now you can say I’m on the Primary Stages of this “fatal disease” where all that matters to me is to “ catch a glimpse of her”, meeting her, talking to her and if it would be my lucky day then probably sharing some time together (Though I don’t think I can ever get lucky in love, just being realistic).

The reason why I call this as a “Primary Stage” is coz you love the feeling of being in this stage, as for me it brings smile to my face just thinking the way she talks, smiles, dresses (well the list could be endless and I might go on and on)

But then reality sinks in and a thought or thoughts flash in my mind –
“Am I the right guy for her or is she the right girl for me? Perhaps this is the dilemma that has stopped me from confessing my love for her.”
“Will she say Yes if I ask her out?”

So many if’s and but’s, falling in love was easy but confessing it is really difficult especially for a guy. (Pearls of wisdom from a great mind of mine..lolz)

I wish I had the powers of Mel Gibson from the movie “What Women Want” and would be able read her mind. Maybe one day I would be able to read her mind without those powers (Here is hoping for the best , am die-hard optimist you see)

Till then to all my friends wish me luck because am suffering from “LOVE”
And my Uptown Girl I miss you!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Why we are so confused

Few months back I meet a girl , who is 6 years elder to me we became friends. In some meeting we went intimate and started liking each other. But after that she felt that things are going too fast and we are complete strangers to our backgrounds, ambitions and attitudes.

So we thought of spending time together just like any normal friends do and check for ourselves how compatible we are. Things were going fine with me when one day she said that I must not call her often as it makes her think about my intentions. I don't understand what went wrong.

I love her with all my heart and soul but she is confused. What is important in a relationship Love or Compatibility.

"Hi all this is my first blog post , I request all fellow blogger to help me out i m totally confused."

Some earlier posts

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